The basic question.
I decided to start at the beginning, which seemed a decent enough place to begin.
What’s right about you?
After this question came to me, I thought about that for a while.
It almost seemed like too big a question. So I thought I better narrow it down.
What’s right about YOU?
Yes, you. You as a person.
A lot of people find that difficult to answer.
“I’m a -”
Nope. Stop.
I’m not talking about your identity. Nor your nationality, nor your religion, nor your values … but you. What do you like about yourself?
It must have nothing to do with anyone else (not even animals). Just you.
your body
your mind
your spirit
your emotions
your feelings.
I thought surely I could do this. So I said to myself: Right now, list at least ten.
It’s challenging. I know. I’ve been at it for 48 hours so far and I’m up to eight.
It’s easy to hate yourself. We’re taught to, actually. How and why is a whole other post.
And even if you do think, “this is ridiculous, I love myself -!”
(your list is done, then, right?)
… it’s easy get your what and why caught up in everyone else, identifying only as someone put there to benefit others.
I don’t see that as self-love.
When you don’t like who you are, when you don’t even know who you are, you never question anything until you’re flat on your back from whatever just blindsided you.
(this has happened to me more than once)
And you ask yourself the wrong questions.
You forget the most basic one: who am I?
(for many, the most difficult)
Which leads to: do I like who I am?
Generally, people have two reactions to this:
You can’t think of ten things that are good about yourself or that you’re legitimately proud of that aren’t tied up in someone else. You only like that you’re a good mother, or belong to some religion, or that you’re part of some group. Not one thing about … you.
You blow through the ten things easily (Ken and Barbie in the house!). Okay. If that’s you, then keep writing until you can’t think of anything else. Take a few days. Have fun with it. We’ll get back to you later.
Let’s start with group 1, because that’s like 99% of people, including me.
I’ll make it easy:
Your body. Is there anything good about it? Is there anything you like about it?
For example: I like my skin.
I’m 61. I’m overweight. I dabbled with smoking when I was young (mostly cigars), got lobster red a few times at the beach when I was a preteen, and birthed three children. But my skin is still pretty good. It doesn’t need a lot of lotion, and it doesn’t have a lot of stretch marks. It’s good skin. I like it.
Now it’s your turn. Make your list.
You can put anything on the list that’s about you. If you really like your left little toenail, it goes on the list. It doesn’t matter what it is. It just has to be something you appreciate about yourself that isn’t about someone else.
A trap to watch out for: do not list something that other people like about you, but you don’t really like about you, or anything that you wish you could change. This is not about what you think you should like, or what others have told you that you should like. It’s about what you actually do like.
This list is not for me, or anyone else. It’s for you.
You do not have to comment with a list below, or post photos, or anything else. And you don’t have to show the list to anyone.
This list is the beginning of a lifelong journey. See how many things you can add to it.
Here’s why: The more things you truly like about yourself, the more you stop caring what anyone else thinks about you. As time goes on, you’ll find that you don’t need to get validation, or beg someone to like you, because you already do.